Mustaches for Kids: Base Face

AND IT BEGINS!!!

Ladies and gentlemen, may I humbly present to you - Base Face (pictured to the left).

As a Mustaches for Kids grower, I can't pull cheap shots like growing a beard for a month and shaving it into a fancy lad ornate 'stache. It's very important to start from a clean slate (pictured to the left) and for the 'stache to remain pure. For example, I was approached yesterday by an interweb chatter to sully the cleanliness of my upstart 'stache:

Unnamed "Friend": lemme know if you want some "supplements" to help stache growth...

***steroids***

me: NO STEROIDS

my stache must be pure

like the virgin snow
And I'll stick to my word. No chemicals will enhance this face (pictured above), but I would like help enhancing donations to the needy New York City kids. Those of you who have participated in the past know how this will work, but for those that are new to M4K, I will post a breakdown of how to donate this weekend. I know, you're on pins and needles.

Please remember that I'm in a friendly competition with Bushwick Country Club Owner, John Roberts for fund raising, so this year, I really have to bring it.

Lastly, for those of you following on facebook, you can see picture updates at www.thisartofhiding.blogspot.com

Mustaches for Kids: It's on!

Tomorrow begins my whiskered journey into your hearts... for the kids. Mustaches for kids begins tomorrow with Shaving Day which, if you think about it, is a lot like New Years. For example: 1) It's a day of rebirth (in this case face-rebirth [face-birth]). 2) I'll be dressed like a giant baby. 3) There will be a lot of people with noise makers and such. 4) I'll probably get arrested at the end of the night.

You know, the usual.

...but my inevitable libation induced arrest pending, I think the focus needs to be on making this year a little more interesting than the last three years that I grew. I could focus on the needy kids that I'm raising money for, but last time I did that someone started sending me hate mail about being a downer. That is why I come up with something else, something to inspire you, dear reader, to donate you money to the needy kiddies via my upper lip über fur.

And so, friends, I challenged Mr. John Roberts, owner of the Bushwick Country Club to a fund raising competition. To the winner goes a delicious cocktail made by the loser (John) as well as bragging rights until the end of days.

Help me knock that smug S.O.B. Roberts down a peg.... for the children. He has it coming.

Mustaches for Kids: an old interview

I was interviewed along with some other growers back in 2005 for M4K it was rebroadcast last year. Pull up a chair and take a listen...

Mustaches for Kids: Prepare for the charitable creep

You've been gone so long, Hiding, we never thought you were coming back.

Yes, interweb readers, I have been gone so some time, ignoring you, but not ignoring all of you.

We're glad you're back.

I wish I could say the same, I hate your stupid avatar face.

That hurts... but ties excite us, so please, get crackin'.

Oh, yee of little taste. Ties are so April '08 to March '09. This is Oct-09 (Oct-0-nine)! It's time of quiet contemplation and preparation. November brings a wondrous magical time with upper lips donned by whiskers in order to bring in th bucks for the kiddies. That's right folks. Mustaches for Kids approacheth!

We have no idea what you are talking are talking about.

On November 5th I will venture on a mustache growing adventure with other gents from this fine city to raise money for children in the area. Over the course of a month with will let our whiskers grow, folks like you will sponsor us and the money will be donated to less fortunate schools throughout the greater New York City area. Here's some info about Mustaches for Kids (M4K) nation wide and here's info about the New York branch.

In case you've forgotten what the upcoming month holds, here's a little reminder. Isn't that a face that makes you want to give money to children (if for no other reason than to get the face away from you).

I will be posting updates about my experiences with M4K once the growing begins on November 5th. There are very specific rules about how I can grow a 'stache, but if you would like to donate, have any suggestions or tips about fundraising, 'stache related news, funny photo requests or anything else, please feel free to contact me.

May the 'stache be sweet, thick and Tom Selleck-ish

Imagined Conversation 1

I was riding home on the G train:

Teenager 1: Nah, nah man, Kix is the best cereal.
Teenager 2: Kix are the shit.
Teenager 3: I like Honey Bunches of Oats.
Teenager 1: What?
Teenager 2: Honey Bunches of Oats? That stuff is nasty
Teenager 1: Kix. Kix is where it's at. And Special K.
Teenager 2: Kix are better.
Teenager 1: Kix are the best.
Me: Kix are the shit, but they do have a flaw. As soon as milk hits the Kix they start to lose their structural integrity and their sweetness starts to fade. The first few bites are great, but the deeper you dig, the more disappointing your morning breakfast becomes. It's a sad metaphor for life, your delicious snack becoming soggy, bland, less interesting, even disappointing. Perhaps it should be called your mourning breakfast... but yeah, I like Kix too. And Rice Krispy Treats Cereal.
(pause)
Teenager 1: Shit... That dude is crazy.

Now on twitter

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Tie Fighter: Day Three Hundred Thirty Seven (337), Butler or Bartender

NOTE 11/4/09: I just found this as a draft, apparently I forgot to publish or finish it. Well, I'll just post it as is.
Angel or devil? Apple or orange? Turtle or Tortoise? Toad or frog? Mad or angry? Busey or Nolte? Questions for the ages. Things that are kind of the same, but not really at all.

So, I present to you, for your consideration, a question so relevant (to your life specifically), so perplexing, so, freakin'... ya know(!), yeah, that your brain may explode from the shear enormity of its... importance! Here goes:

Butler or Bartender?

Tie Fighter: Day Three Hundred Thirty Six (336), Wiccan all over again

I'm pretty sure this is the last tie that I was given by the Wicca gentleman who gave my mom the ties to give to me. It was designed by Evan-Picone and is made of (tag in enormous letters) 100% SILK. Implying that it is actually made from 110% silk. That's 10% more silk than one can fit in a tie and they only imply it because they do it with Wicca magic.

The pattern on the tie can also be attributed to Wicca magic (or poor taste). It is highly confusing to say the least, as if there were three different ties all contained on this one, creating a dizzying effect. My guess is to confuse attackers with rival spells.

And now that I've completely alienated myself from one small religion, I changed gears.

As you'll notice at the top of the page, Project Tie Fighter dies on March 14th, falling ever so slightly short of making it to a full year of ties. Now you may be saying to yourself, self, why do I care about Project Tie Fighter? What does it matter to me if Tie Awareness fails to teach the children the importance of tie awareness, that all ties are created equal and that NO tie will be left behind. Why would I want to help the good folks at This Art of Hiding complete this goal when they continue to leave flaming poop on my door step?

The answer is simple, dear reader: 'merica.

Help Project Tie Fighter make it to the end of March and 'merica wins!

Haiku of the Day

I'm a week behind.
Blogging is hard work, at work,
I'll catch up later.

Tie Fighter: Day Three Hundred Thirty Five (335), Beginning of the end

Today is the first day of the last month of Project Tie Fighter. (sad face)

Of course, I don't like to see sad faces, so I made sure it was a kick ass tie today. (happy winking face)

Kate gave me this labelless tie, sporting a pretty funky design. I think it is from the 70's based on the length, material and style of the print, but honestly I'm a little rusty on my tie dating skills. No matter when it is from, it's pretty freakin' sweet.

Tie Fighter: Day Three Hundred Thirty Four (334), The Society of the Abbreviated Cravat

If you've been around me over the past almost-year, you know that I've been bitching a whole lot about only having one proper bow tie. There are even some people who have made promises of bow ties but have not followed through. But. I'm not here to name names. I am here, however, to celebrate ties and those that celebrate said ties.

And with that I'd like to give a special shout out to my co-worker Todd and his incredible gift of not one (1), but two (2) bow ties. Todd had a society back in the day, the middle school day when he and his friends created The Society of the Abbreviated Cravat.

It was a younger time when he was, well, younger and doing things like wearing a bow tie every day was normal(ish) and would only get you beat up. Not like doing it as an adult, which gets you an odd reputation around the office and your parents calling your roommate to ask if you are still "all there."

The tie is made of 100% kimono silk.

Tie Fighter: Day Three Hundred Thirty Three (333), CLUB ROOM

This tie was a gift from my friend in accounting Mr. Law from his "ugly tie" collection. Even though Mr. Law wants to hate on this clearly awesome tie, Project Tie Fighter embraces it with open arms. As you can see, not only am I wearing the tie with a pretty pissed off look on my face, I'm also wearing it with a plaid shirt. You would be amazed at how many people tell you what they think when you wear a plaid shirt and a striped tie and then tuck that tie into that shirt:

Oh, too busy to match today?

It's like your tie is blending into your shirt.

Dude, tie camo.

When are you gonna get married?

I hate your face!

Two of those quotes were my mom, I'll let you guess which. But The best thing about the tie is that it is called Club Room...

Huh. Somehow the build to that in my head was much more impressive. Doesn't really translate on the blog though. Huh.

It's designed by Charter Club and is made of 100% silk.

Tie Fighter: Day Three Hundred Thirty Two (332), Amazing Poly Paisley

There isn't much to be said about this guy except that I like it a whole bunch. Surprisingly it is made of 100% polyester and has a kicken paisley pattern on it. It was designed by K.M Milano.

Tie Fighter: Day Three Hundred Thirty One (331), Triangle Knit

I don't think I have any other knit ties that have a triangular bottom like this one. Most have a square bottom and are made out of a less shiny material. This tie is designed by Adams Row and I'm guessing is from the 90's.

Tie Fighter: Day Three Hundred Thirty (330), Protect yourself, protect you tie

Tie safety is always important. You never want to want to be the victim of a freak tie accident because of tie negligence or tie abuse. No one want to be caught with their pants down and there tie stuck in a paper shredder.

Fool me once...

That's what makes the tie clip so garsh darned important. It holds your tie out of the way while you do more important things like tying your shoe or keeping it dry while harvesting organs in a bath tub.

Not only that, but a tie clip can be an exciting addition to your normally boring wardrobe (because honestly the way you dress just sucks. I mean I actually find it slightly offensive, even racist to a degree). Why just today someone noticed my pineapple tie clip and noted that a pineapple is the fruit of welcome in Hawaii, also noting that she could hardly notice I'm an asshole with it on.

Thanks, tie clip!

This amazing tie holds no label except to tell me it is made of the mysterious fabric, acetate.

Tie Fighter: Day Three Hundred Twenty Nine (329), A future chair?

Lately I've been addicted to the apartment therapy website trying to find inspiration for apartment redesigns. There has been a bunch of different things that have jumped off the screen to me, but I was a little shocked to see this. Isn't that cruelty to ties? Where is PETT when you need them?

I will be stuck with a big question in a little over a month: what to do with the ties? Honestly, there will be many that I am not going to rewear after Project Tie Fighter comes to a close. A friend of mine asked me for some for the charter school she works for. Some will likely go there, I'm not sure that any will be made into a chair.

Currently there is not enough room in my place to house the ties that I have. Many will be going back up on the walls and some will be preserved for posterity. That said I would be very happy to hear any suggestions about what else I could do with them. If you have any ideas on how to display over three hundred (300) ties, please leave a comment.

Here we have a Brixton Ltd. designed tie, woven in England, 100% silk, made by hand.

Tie Fighter: Day Three Hundred Twenty Eight (328), Christmas in February

Everyone knows that February twenty second is known as the Christmas day of February. I mean, come on, it's the day that gave us George Washington and English DJ Chris Moyles. Also, it's the day that took away Odo, Duke of Burgundy. Thank god. What a jerk that guy was.

Luckily for me my friend Melissa gave me a tie with Christmas trees on it. Yes. Lucky for me. Even luckier to get it after Christmas. It's a good thing that February twenty second is known as the little Christmas, otherwise I'd have to completely fabricate some nonsense that would be really really stupid.

Luckily, that never happens around here.

The tie is designed by John Weitz made of 100% poly.

Tie Fighter: Day Three Hundred Twenty Seven (327), Limey

Through the end of November and December I spent a little over three weeks in Pennsylvania. When I got back to work there was a pile of ties on my desk, mostly from my boss, most of which were pretty different than what I had already. I think I'm just about through all of the ties that he gave save this one.

The tie hails from J. Crew. More specifically J's Crew. He's a good guy, has a catalog. It's called J. Crew. The tie is fully formed from silk.

Tie Fighter: Day Three Hundred Twenty Six (326), The man behind the tie

The odd thing about being at what has seemed like the tail end of Project Tie Fighter for the past few months is limping along with the last drops of ties that people have given me and having less freedom to choose from a large stock of ties. As the large bulk of ties diminished, I would get small batches always just as I was about to run out. They would usually be of a specific genre of not to long ago modern ties. Many came in from friends of friends in PA. Some came from folks in New York cleaning out their closets. My boss gave me a huge selection of very, erm, interesting ties that he found about town. My friend Melissa went to visit her grand father who used to be a professor and he donated some stellar ties, a few of which you'll see in days to come.

But one of the funnier donations I got of course came from good ol' mom. She called me only a few weeks ago and asked if I was still doing "the tie thing." Of course I was (am). She told me that they were at their favorite restaurant and the bar tender there had some times for me. Pretty normal. Until:

Mom: You know he's a Wiccan.
Me: No, I didn't know that.
Mom: Yeah, he's a Wiccan.
Me: Oh... ok...
(pause)
Me: Does that mean the ties are Wiccan?
Mom: No, they're normal looking ties.
Me: Oh.
(pause)
Me: Why did you tell me he's a Wiccan.
Mom: I just thought you'd like to know.
Me: ...
Mom: Wiccan.

Clearly this tie, designed by Spencer & Lowe, has the power of the pagan gods behind it. Look at how my eye gleans like the stone cold eyes of Odin when juxtaposed with the spun lengths of 100% silk. I can feel strength pumping through my veins. YEAAAAS! OH YEEEEAAAAH!

Or perhaps it's the double shot americana that I just finished.

Tie Fighter: Day Three Hundred Twenty Five (325), Ties never age, but I do

I promised you I'd be back and I am... although I may be a little bit off on when I'm back. So I took a little break from blogging. So what? So the break was all of fall and most of winter. What's it to you? What, did you miss me or something? So lame. So lame.

Don't you have better things to do than to watch me wear ties?

No.

Don't I have better things to do than to wear ties?

Unfortunately, no.

But, of course, there is good news. Although I have not been blogging, I have continued to wear ties... every freaking day... since April 1st of last year. Man, my neck is tired. Many days are documented, but not all. I know I promised this before, but I fully intend to throw some of the best of the past few months up here. The best of what I have documented, that is.

Anyhoo. I thought the wearing the first tie I ever wore for a second time would be a good way to get back into the groove. The other week I got a surprise package from my mom that had a bunch of tiny clip on ties in it. It took me about half the day until I realized they were once mine (and my brothers'). In the spirit of Project Tie Fighter, I asked the folks to did up some old pictures.

Please enjoy the fruits of my parents' labor: the picture above. I'm the little one in the front. Note how my eldest brother is eying me, waiting for the perfect moment to torture. A poke to the back, a noogy, a wet-willy, staring at me. It never ended. Much like the US government, it was widely know that my brother did torture, but the concrete evidence (outside of some "legal" documentation I created at the time in crayon) doesn't exist. He somehow always knew to wait until after the flash bulb went off. My parents always told me to just ignore him. I wonder if we can do the same for the people trapped in Gitmo. Can we ignore the CIA away. I am smiling in that picture, but looking off to the side, obviously (to me) for some kind of help. It never came and I lived in terror until I was eighteen (18). And unlike modern terrorist, he just did it for the simple joy of making a small child cry. It haunts my dreams to this day...

...But the tie is vintage early 80's. It was great to wear this bad boy at the museum. Even when I buttoned my jacket you could still see it was way too short, as pictured. I even got a few sincere compliments, which I found kind of odd. There were of course many laughs.

I think I will save the tie, in the event that I have children. I will sit down the small boy or girl, when they are the appropriate age, and remind them that when I was old enough to fit into that tie, their evil uncle would torture me for hours on end. I will remind them of how lucky they are that he lives far away in Pennsylvania, but should they ever be bad, he will come and haunt there dreams. Just like he does mine... to this day... to this day...

I think it's time for a good cry.

Welcome back Project Tie Fighter! Welcome back!